Shame

19 08 2016

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Shame ON you:

A shadowed birthright for the unknowing;

vulnerable shoulders baptized;

permeating the fibers of being.

 

Shame On you:

Given by master shame-keepers;

blind to their own shame-pain;

stained by the dregs of their perceived worthlessness.

 

Shame ON me:

I, too, am stained – a shame-holder;

cloaked in my denial;

shame administered from my benumbed self;

dispensed to avoid;

imparted to another so that I will not be the only worthless one;

buried in anger – a distraction from facing my

damaged-self in shadow places…

always hiding, always evading.

 

Longing though…

longing…

for exoneration;

to be disburdened from this groundless, guilt-laden backpack;

just to be loved…

            for Love;

longing rising from a deep soul-knowing.

 

I still bear the decades-old shame stigmata.

Sad that I still prefer to dress in these tainted garments.

They’re still in fashion, right?

These comfortable, immured costumes?

 

But I see only through the eyes of the child in me.

There is a different way – where scales fall;

where Light burns off unworthiness like morning fog

and the soul is clear and pristine – created worthy;

where shame has no place –

exposed as the mask it is;

where I AM reveals the I am that I am –

breathed into existence by Breath Herself.

Created by Love –

always “Love ON me”…

Love in me…

That’s all…

That’s all that’s needed.

Cades Cove layers





Freedom . . .

23 08 2015

along the parkway

Caged soul-expression;

longing to be free – to take flight;

chained by links of prescribed shoulds and ought-tos;

of fears, insecurities, and self-abandonment.

Imagination’s big bang longing to expand — creativity’s resurrection;

suppressed by years of conformity;

held by dark matter’s invisible force (mostly of my own doing);

chasing fallacious love — perceived to be the liberator of who I am.

A poem waiting for its completion;

a verse lived day-by-day;

a prose – the story of who I am becoming – revealed in the living out.

Mystery – the poem;

Creator – the liberator of imagination and inspiration;

Presence – the deliverer of the soul’s captured language;

Love – the emancipator of who I am . . .





Paradox of Pain . . .

1 07 2015

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Pain knows me;

It comes like a thief – unexpected;

like wild horses – uncontrollable;

an enduring guest – unwelcome.

Pain – eliciting a deep soul scream;

taking me to the edge of what I believe I can bear;

clothing me in darkness;

rationing the sweet tones of hope.

Pain, threatening to take the very heart of me;

the essence of my spirit –

of who I am.

Pain borne from the hands of the other –

held in the hands of the other;

In the mirror, a moment of clarity . . .

                        so distant from myself – I am the other . . .

Denial is my drug;

escapism my addiction . . .

I’m not suppose to be here . . .

I don’t want to be here . . .

listen . .

breathe . . .be still . . .

listen . . .

Can I believe this echo in the canyons of my being?

Can salvation come from within what I would try to deny?

From what I so desperately want to escape?

Does Love arise from pain?

Can Love be borne from within pain?

Out of pain?

Is pain’s voice not the final sound?

A portal to deeper meaning – Love…

Pain knows me . . .

but . . .

I’m beginning to know pain…

Blue Ridge Parkway 1





What Are We to Do?

9 06 2015

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What are we to do?

They’re pounding on the door: worries, fears, rage, expectations, an unhealthy ego.

They’re vying for sole essence – of me, of you –

all wanting to occupy the sacred seat . . .

We know . . .

we know they’re present – a part of us, within us;

although we do not want to admit so.

We try to fend them off – deny, defend, deflect;

energy expended – wasted as the door cracks open a bit more . . .

What are we to do?

We know the truth – what we must do – what we are afraid to do . . .

surely not though?!

There must be another way – a less uncomfortable way . . .

Are we willing to live in this anxiety-ridden state?

Living estranged from others – this is easy, safe . . .

living estranged from our selves is death.

So, welcome what we would deny?

Why do we fear welcoming our selves so?

Forfeiting the chance to be loved;

forfeiting loving who we are;

forfeiting the ability to love others without judgment.

In reality –

you are already loved by Love . . .

can’t do anything about this.

Welcome, then, all of who you are –

grateful that there is room at the table for all:

fear, joy, anxiety, compassion, pride, sensitivity, expectation, gratitude.

grateful that this welcoming creates room at the table for others.

Listen again –

same question,

new ears…

What are we to do?

Sky Line Drive 1





Deep desire…

20 09 2014

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Along life’s road, what is my deep desire?

 

Power? Maybe –- the possession of control is tempting . . .

Suddenly, a breeze blows against my face –- an element I cannot rule.

maybe True Power comes with leaning into powerlessness.

 

Prestige? Sure –- I could get use to the “waited on hand and foot” life;

having doors opened for me . . .

but would I walk into the emptiness of feeding a bottomless ego?

maybe true prestige comes with washing the feet of another.

 

Wealth? Oh yes! There would be no worries surrounded by my mountain of things . . .

however this ravenous appetite becomes the master;

wanting more has the feel of addiction.

maybe true wealth is found in simplicity and letting go.

 

To be truly loved? More than one can know . . .

maybe True Love is found planted deep within  —

from the beginning . . . from the Beginning.

 

I am already loved by Love -–

I do not have to do –- I can’t do, anything about this love but receive.

 

to know deep stillness in this moment;

to have an insatiable hunger for sacred intimacy;

to lean into Love;

to have my ego diminish while True Self grows;

to have a continuous conversation –- Spirit to spirit —

this is my deep desire along this mysterious road . . .DSC_0299edited





One Breath Closer…

16 08 2014

PS Ramsey Cascades Trail

Every breath is one closer to who I will be . . .

What dreams do I then breathe in?

What pain do I hold deep within,

refusing to release anguish into the world where healing and truth dwell?

Do I breathe in air filtered through “who-others-say-I-should-be?”

through expectations, worry and fear?

Or . . .

Will I fill my being with Life’s Breath?

Life that breathed us into existence -–

Love, worthiness and wholeness the DNA of our souls?

Life that has the power of creation and creativity behind it?

 

Every breath is one closer to who I will be . . .

 

 





The Journey…

24 04 2014

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I am sometimes…

            a lot of times…

                        most of the time…

                                                my own worst enemy.

 

Always looking too far ahead –

                                    absent from the immediate gifts about me.

 

A Silers Bald to Clingmans Dome experience gifts my memory–

all up hill…

up mountain.

 My spirit deceiving my eyes;

physical burn clouding my vision –

seeing only the next climb;

My heart pulled down by discouragement and despair…

depriving myself of what gives life:

                        Presence…

living in, open to, and awareness of the Now.

 

It is not only on the mountain where I carry the enemy.

So, too, it is in my daily living.

I look too far ahead;

my eyes deceived;

my heart chained by fear, expectations, and self-doubt.

 I am not mindful of Presence in the present…

 

I suspect if I were more so,

getting to the top…

to here or there,

would not be as important as the journey.

(the photo is from Clingmans Dome)