Skimming Along the Surface

27 02 2015

foggy morning

Skimming along the surface of who I am;

tension balanced on that thin line between above and below…

So much energy exerted on my need to control –

trying not to sink beneath;

trying to keep my head above – just to breathe;

trying not to be wounded further;

trying to siphon off “your” approval to satisfy my needy ego –

needing “your” validation for my worthiness,

my gaze focused on earning “your” blessing;

trying to convince you of my competency;

trying not to drop my mask while shaking your hand;

trying to conform to the image I perceive you expect of me;

trying to secure my ration of love from you

or any one passing by;

trying to control you so that I may live in the illusion that I am in control…

Still not enough.

Still not good enough,

needing more – always…

Wasted energy?

From the perspective of my pre-occupied ego I would speak, “no.”

So what lurks in the depths that scares me so?

That keeps me skimming along the surface of who I am?

What discovery am I so fearful of?

That I am a vapor?

That, “I’m not lovable”, is a truth?

That I do not love myself?

What if I took a deep breath?

 Filled my lungs with the air then plunged into the depths –

exploring the world that scares me so?

 What if I risked opening my eyes?

maybe it is in the depths where I will see most clearly;

see myself most clearly…

 What if I come to know an undiscovered freedom in breathing beneath?

What if I allowed myself to sink beneath the surface

into the space where the True-self dwells –

created in Love by Love…

I skim along the surface of who I am, asking “do I risk it?”

The Kingdom is close…

Smoky Mountain Reflection

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