Transformation…

27 01 2019

Friends Chairs

Ego and Transformation are having an earnest conversation . . .

Ego, loud and seemingly confident – really, fearful of losing itself;

Transformation speaking from authenticity –

knowing Love, Freedom, and Truth.

 

My soul suspended within the dialogue ;

wishing only to hibernate just a bit longer –

muscles, nervously weak;

instinctively knowing living out ego’s desires is death.

 

I hear Transformation’s voice –

Her hope-filled intonations reverberating within my unknown –

knowing what I do not.

Waiting for me on the other side of threshold. . . waiting…

 

(Deep breath…)

 

What is my compelling desire…truly?

To dare move toward what I cannot fully know…trusting?

To want and to know Love more deeply?

Or to stand firm in perceived certainty – within my walled world view,

never moving closer than what I am now into Wholeness’ warm Light?

 

Am I ready?

Maybe it is the doubt revealed in this question

that keeps me from stepping into liminal space?

Am I willing to trust myself into Transformative Love?

 

Can I handle the gifts She offers?

I suspect not on my own – maybe that’s the point.

Shall I remain here in anxiety and fear’s ceaseless embrace?

Tunnel vision can feel safe…

 

Or will I focus on Love’s glint in Transformation’s eyes?

Will I recognize the hope She holds for me?

How She holds me?

Teaching me to embrace anxiety and fear?

Teaching me to embrace myself?

 

Vulnerability is risky…scary;

something to admire in others.

But, I know…

I know I cannot bear to stay where I am…

 

A deep trust-infused prayer slips silently past my lips.

Courage begins to encircle anxiety and fear.

I find myself, now, at Transformation’s portal.

I lift my foot. . .





It’s time, isn’t it?

13 01 2019

jad_5109

It’s time, isn’t it, Dear One?

To lose myself a bit more;

my created self, that is?…

It’s time to let go.

 

I do feel grief welling up –

another end of whom I think myself to be.

It’s hard to leave a dwelling place;

where cloaked authenticity is the norm – comfortable…

but not really real.

 

Ego is afraid of losing itself, right?…

of sliding into nothingness?

The fear of possibilities is stirred, is it not?

that we might not belong;

that we might be worthless;

that we might be unlovable;

that our life is only a shadow and a whisper…a vapor;

that our life might not matter;

that we might awake to find all this to be true?

 

So we do what we can to hang on to our manufactured selves;

unwilling to risk the letting go…

of submerging ourselves in the waters of unknowing;

of free-falling into trust;

into who we might become.

 

We desperately grasp onto whatever gives identity –

praise, power, possessions.

We live a surface life.

We create an alternate self –

convincing ourselves our masks are skin and bone.

Addiction, attachments, shame, violence –

by-products of living out of who we are not.

Knowing – soul knowing – these are not true definitions of who we are.

 

It is only in the losing of ourselves, we are found…

 

So it’s time again, isn’t it, Holy One?

To respond to this perennial invitation;

to open clinched fists;

to bathe in the waters of unknowing;

to free-fall into trust;

to remove suffocating masks and breath freely;

to lose ourselves.

 

Knowing You are the heart-holder.

Knowing You are Love on my skin and in my bones.

Knowing the paradox of

grief transformed within joy;

falling as being lifted up;

letting go as being held;

losing myself as being found;

abandoning a created-self as discovering my authentic being.

Knowing I will be found in ways I cannot fathom.

Knowing I will be loved by Love into a deeper understanding and unity…

 

It’s time again, Dear One, isn’t it?