When I was a child…

When I was a child,

I was taught to give my life away – without thought;

and I did. . .

 

For praise:

an artificial love – feeding an insatiable appetite.

For protection:

insurance against unpredictability – an illusion of control.

For survival:

subservient to rationed affection

allocated by a broken earthly deity.

 

Clawing desperately – clinging to any simulacrum of solid ground –

 

I lost myself…

 

But I am discerning…

that the cracks in my foundation are not my reprobation – but liberation;

that Light permeates the fractures in my façade –

saturating space where rationed, pseudo love imposed addiction;

that a bottomless well of Love, an oasis, exists within.

 

No need to cling to praise;

no need for controlled protection against the erratic;

no need to survive droughts of tenderness.

 

I am still giving my life away,

but now –

Life is being given in return…

 

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Creation’s curriculum…

 

 

What is this pressure I feel?

I can’t do this straight-lined reasoning —

I’ve tried to live the linear life . . .

climb the ladder . . .

 

This is not Creation’s curriculum

Paradoxes, anomalies, and mysteries are all about . . .

 

Why is it we only look up to the heavens for Light?

Could it be Illumination is also underneath?

Underneath the depths of our shadows and darkness . . .

We will only know if we “ride our monsters all the way down!”*

 

I have heard it said that Light keeps shining in the dark,

and the darkness cannot over take it . . .

 

Mystery and Paradox —

Creation’s curriculum . . .

(* reference to an Annie Dillard quote from Teaching a Stone to Talk)