When I was a child,
I was taught to give my life away – without thought;
and I did. . .
For praise:
an artificial love – feeding an insatiable appetite.
For protection:
insurance against unpredictability – an illusion of control.
For survival:
subservient to rationed affection
allocated by a broken earthly deity.
Clawing desperately – clinging to any simulacrum of solid ground –
I lost myself…
But I am discerning…
that the cracks in my foundation are not my reprobation – but liberation;
that Light permeates the fractures in my façade –
saturating space where rationed, pseudo love imposed addiction;
that a bottomless well of Love, an oasis, exists within.
No need to cling to praise;
no need for controlled protection against the erratic;
no need to survive droughts of tenderness.
I am still giving my life away,
but now –
Life is being given in return…