Transformation…

27 01 2019

Friends Chairs

Ego and Transformation are having an earnest conversation . . .

Ego, loud and seemingly confident – really, fearful of losing itself;

Transformation speaking from authenticity –

knowing Love, Freedom, and Truth.

 

My soul suspended within the dialogue ;

wishing only to hibernate just a bit longer –

muscles, nervously weak;

instinctively knowing living out ego’s desires is death.

 

I hear Transformation’s voice –

Her hope-filled intonations reverberating within my unknown –

knowing what I do not.

Waiting for me on the other side of threshold. . . waiting…

 

(Deep breath…)

 

What is my compelling desire…truly?

To dare move toward what I cannot fully know…trusting?

To want and to know Love more deeply?

Or to stand firm in perceived certainty – within my walled world view,

never moving closer than what I am now into Wholeness’ warm Light?

 

Am I ready?

Maybe it is the doubt revealed in this question

that keeps me from stepping into liminal space?

Am I willing to trust myself into Transformative Love?

 

Can I handle the gifts She offers?

I suspect not on my own – maybe that’s the point.

Shall I remain here in anxiety and fear’s ceaseless embrace?

Tunnel vision can feel safe…

 

Or will I focus on Love’s glint in Transformation’s eyes?

Will I recognize the hope She holds for me?

How She holds me?

Teaching me to embrace anxiety and fear?

Teaching me to embrace myself?

 

Vulnerability is risky…scary;

something to admire in others.

But, I know…

I know I cannot bear to stay where I am…

 

A deep trust-infused prayer slips silently past my lips.

Courage begins to encircle anxiety and fear.

I find myself, now, at Transformation’s portal.

I lift my foot. . .

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lost…and finding

23 12 2018

clouds & mountains

Its subtleness is like a drug –

“busy-ness” consumes each next moment;

each next minute;

each next hour;

each next day.

 

I have followed the imperative paths of the next task

until I become numb to the contours of my own life.

Rote living has become rote.

I do not recognize home.

I do not recognize the essence of who I am.

 

Awareness awakens me…“I am lost.”

 

Lost in accumulated expectations;

Lost in incapacitating emotional muck;

Lost in debilitating relational upheaval;

Lost in exhausting, ego-feeding energy spent.

I am so far away from myself –

dissected from my soul.

 

Sunset approaches…

 

I am writing into darkness.

I am writing on the edge of what feels like non-existence,

sitting within midnight’s realm…

Where you cannot see me;

where I cannot see myself.

 

I am writing into pain –

not that which is felt by flesh,

but deep, description defying pain,

residing in the essence of our being…

boring its way toward the surface.

 

I am writing into shame and anger,

learned and unmerited,

placed on shoulders by others…by me;

anger birthed from guilt and this shame –

the denial of which turns to fear, bitterness, and hate.

 

How vulnerable it feels when our pain is exposed.

How vulnerable to name our anger, guilt and shame.

How vulnerable it feels when moving from invisibility to authenticity;

questioning our existence instead of living as if we don’t;

remaining in consuming darkness when it would be easier to flee.

 

I am so thirsty;

so hungry for lived truth.

I long for Home…

longing for Light in darkness – pre-dawn hope.

 

It’s time to let go of all that expectation would have me be –

who I am is enough in this moment…

will be enough in becoming.

It’s time to embrace darkness and pain…

the welcoming of which leads to wholeness.

It’s time to rise with life scars engraved into my being…

symbols of being truly alive – hidden by cosmetics no more.

It’s time for a grateful heart, knowing I am not alone –

held by both community and Creator.

How vulnerable it feels when you live fully into others and into this world.

 

And this is weakness?

I would suggest otherwise –

 

I am writing into freedom –

through the darkness and pain;

letting go of all that expectations have planned for me;

letting come all of whom I have been created to be.

being found daily…

Cromwell Flower





We are one

31 01 2017

red-tulips-highlight        yellow-tulip-highlight

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are one.

From childhood, my faith has taught me so.

Is this not true?

 

Everyone belonging to an all-embracing Truth –

A Truth human expression cannot contain?

Isn’t this Truth true in spite of my faith?

 

We are one.

Why do these three words raise defensive walls?

Why do they scare us so?

 

Fear mixed with pride – our ego’s addictive elixir;

an opportunist ego’s playground –

serving it to preserve power;

injecting it to manipulate;

a way to sustain control…

 

but not The Way.

 

Still, we chase the god of “better than”

devising decrees of divisiveness ;

forging “us versus them” perimeters –

it’s easier not knowing another’s story;

defining others with broad strokes –

it’s more convenient painting with a bigger brush I suppose;

manipulating foundational concepts to create fabricated walls.

Why are we afraid of what is different? of what is other?

 

Then do we not believe what we claim within our faith?

What we say is Truth?

 

We are one.

This is celebration worthy!

 

We are one.

Created by the Creator;

created within Mystery;

created from Love to love;

created uniquely… out of Hope;

created from the One;

created as one.

csc_0094





Risking Evolving Perspectives

7 05 2016

DSC_0195

Sometimes I forget.

I become very comfortable with my life perspective and my daily living – routines; nuances of habit; and the galvanizing of my view of the world, of myself, of you.
I feel safe and secure. I am content (or is it I am too fearful?) and would rather not move. “You come to me. I’m good where I am.”

I imagine I am not the only one who forgets.

Yes, what bliss it is to live in the realm of limited consciousness – defending defined borders along unknown lands; staving off responsibility that protects us from the depth of who we are.

Here, we live in complacent simplicity –
separating and dividing;
categorizing and generalizing;
delineating between “us and them”;
coveting absolutes not ambiguity;
allowing the container of who we are to become the content – no more, no less.

Fear, in this storyline, is the primary plot device.

The ego is driven to manufacture a god for our own comfort – holding tight to the wardrobe keys so Narnia will remain undiscovered . . . seeking self-preservation.

We work so hard. We deceive ourselves.

But maybe . . . maybe living fully is not viewing life always from my own ground. Maybe it is about moving – that first step away from “home” is always the hardest.

There is always an invitation to explore the Limitless: in the truth that all of who we are, light and shadow, is loved already – no strings attached; in faith that we can risk journeying into the unknown and the doubt of uncertainty; in trust that we can embrace blurred boundaries; in hope of discovering the depth of who we are created to be; and

in the joy of living into the bliss of new dawning horizons, awakening us to a new way of being in the world; to a new way of being with others.

Risking the comfort of my own perspective is scary – even opening a paper-thin crack in the door. But what is the cost of staying where I am?

May you know that you are not alone.

May you be given grace enough to lean into the One who is the genesis of our seeing.

May you be granted courage to take that first step into new horizons.

And may you dwell in the bliss found in the community of evolving perspectives.

 

Tallulah Gorge Bridge





The Greening

18 04 2013

Green Tunnel

 

 

 

Paths we know tend to be more to our liking;

safe,

secure,

known,

predictable…

We are invited, though, into a deeper greening of our lives;

discovery,

renewal,

gifts unveiled,

Love’s embrace…

But, what might be we will never know, unless we step into this greening…





Bowing to Murky Waters…

12 02 2013

Choptank creek

 

 

 

A current of anxiety flows steady within;

What is your name?

Expectation?

Fear?

Who are you that muddies the stream?

 

My spirit is preoccupied —

I bow to murky waters . . .

 

Eyes turned toward shadows,

I have no notice of the warmth that bathes me — anointing me;

Light illuminating life all around me — within me;

Light bidding me to live love in the present . . .

each “present-moment” accumulating into my future . . .

 

Awareness slowly dawns . . .

Orientation of genuflect and gaze begins to transform . . .

 

 





Uprooted…

20 11 2012

 

 

 

 

What was believed as foundational and life giving, now is overturned, and bare to the elements – uprooted;

Exposed – gasping for the soil believed to give meaning…

What storms of life are to blame for this devastation?

Those of my own choosing?

Can anything good come from this?

Did I root myself in things too shallow to sustain a deeper longing?

Attachment to the temporal?

Trust in my ability to control and hold?

Dysfunction’s deceiving safety and familiarity?

Can anything good come from this?

Maybe…

It’s the living of the now;

It’s the letting go in the now

where the answer will be birthed;

that will determine where the roots of my spirit will once more grow…