Skimming Along the Surface

27 02 2015

foggy morning

Skimming along the surface of who I am;

tension balanced on that thin line between above and below…

So much energy exerted on my need to control –

trying not to sink beneath;

trying to keep my head above – just to breathe;

trying not to be wounded further;

trying to siphon off “your” approval to satisfy my needy ego –

needing “your” validation for my worthiness,

my gaze focused on earning “your” blessing;

trying to convince you of my competency;

trying not to drop my mask while shaking your hand;

trying to conform to the image I perceive you expect of me;

trying to secure my ration of love from you

or any one passing by;

trying to control you so that I may live in the illusion that I am in control…

Still not enough.

Still not good enough,

needing more – always…

Wasted energy?

From the perspective of my pre-occupied ego I would speak, “no.”

So what lurks in the depths that scares me so?

That keeps me skimming along the surface of who I am?

What discovery am I so fearful of?

That I am a vapor?

That, “I’m not lovable”, is a truth?

That I do not love myself?

What if I took a deep breath?

 Filled my lungs with the air then plunged into the depths –

exploring the world that scares me so?

 What if I risked opening my eyes?

maybe it is in the depths where I will see most clearly;

see myself most clearly…

 What if I come to know an undiscovered freedom in breathing beneath?

What if I allowed myself to sink beneath the surface

into the space where the True-self dwells –

created in Love by Love…

I skim along the surface of who I am, asking “do I risk it?”

The Kingdom is close…

Smoky Mountain Reflection

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7 responses

27 02 2015
Tokoni O. Uti

What inspired it?

27 02 2015
gacochran

Not any particular experience, just a life lived learning to listen, to trust, to let go, to risk- and grateful there is always the invitation to do so…

27 02 2015
Tokoni O. Uti

That’s so cool.

27 02 2015
becomingveritate

“tension balanced on that thin line between above and below…”

“What discovery am I so fearful of?
That I am a vapor?”

Very much enjoyed this. A great piece on seeking the self

27 02 2015
gacochran

Thanks so much. It will always be an adventure!

10 07 2015
Sam Red

This poem and “This Moment” are totally outstanding! They cover so much of human-scape in such a condensed and palpable way. I’m a fan! 🙂 I look forward to reading more. Blessings, Sam

10 07 2015
gacochran

Thanks so much Sam. Just got back from a trip, tired and just read your post on “Sleep” – yes! Thanks for this invitation! Greg

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